Jeffrey Needs a Better Name for his Website

…or do, I dunno… whatever you prefer.

Big Sur - “Three Amigos”

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I felt like I should transcribe this, because the noise that my shitty Chevy Chevette engine produced almost drowned out the entire recording on this tape:

“Hey, Scooter Bob’s, Ozark Country Dining!
-Woohoo!
Yeehaw!
-Ah-ha!
Hee hee hee hee.

(Three Amigos)

-That was pretty good!
Haha, it was!
-Are you recording it?
Yeah, of course!”

Big Sur - “Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota”

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Apart from some jumbled up lyrics, this doesn’t really require a transcription, but this is what Chris is saying at the end:

“Alright, we’ll probably finish this when we come back, we’re in Wal-Mart now.  (cut) Alright, we just saw the fattest ass in the world.”

I just like that last bit because it could be generally true of any given visit to any given Wal-Mart. I also like the part where I’m trying to lose Chris by going faster through the list of “places where we’ve already been”.

One of my favorite things that I learned during the course of military training, and this is a fact that I love to inform people of whenever I get the chance, is what to do with someone’s eyeball if it pops out of their head and is still attached to the optical nerve.  When this happens, as long as the optical nerve remains intact, the eyeball can still see.  As you can imagine, it can cause quite a bit of disorientation to have one eye looking out at the battlefield, and the other swinging around wildly, seeing the ground, seeing parts of your face that you’ve never seen this closely before, except in a mirror.  The proper thing to do for a person in this unique situation is to (assuming you miraculously have these items available to you) place a cup over the eye and tape it firmly onto the face.  Why is this my favorite thing?  I don’t know…  Ask me what to do with a sucking chest wound…  No idea.  But that makes me kinda giggly…  Sucking chest wound.
Anyhoo,
Byeballs. 

I was in a grocery store… there was a black woman who had Christmas card, or something, that she had purchased.  An employee was telling her that the thing she found inside was placed there by a fellow employee, but not maliciously.  I asked to see what it was, and it was a news article from the 50s or 60s about a black judge being kicked off a trial, or something.  I can’t remember exactly.  

I think this correlates to something that I saw at the real grocery store yesterday, where I saw this little black girl with her father, and she was telling him how at school, kids will come up to asian kids and pull back their eyelids to make their eyes thin and say “asian eyes” or something.  It was sad.

Back in my dream, I continued shopping, when I was near the end of my shopping, “Fume” by Beck came on the store radio, and I was singing along.  I passed a girl and a guy who were both singing along, also, and I wanted to talk to them, because if they know that song, then they’re probably cool.

Took my shopping cart out, and decided to ride it around a little bit.  Did shopping cart donuts for a loooong time in the next parking lot over, where I was parked.  Coach Taylor (from Friday Night Lights), and some skater kids were impressed.  Got in my car, and started to take off.  There was a queue of cars all waiting to turn right, so I backed my car up to where I was right beside the first one, because I was turning left.  People still honked at me.  There wasn’t any traffic, but I couldn’t go, because there were people blocking the break in the concrete median that I had to drive through to get to that side of the road.  I slowly pulled up, so they would know to get out of the way.  Some did, some stayed where they were.  I realized that they were waiting for the bus.  I bus came down the wrong side of the road, and didn’t pick them up.  They were getting angry.  I was slowly creeping through.  I think finally saw their bus coming and started scrambling.

Hey blog. I’m sorry you keep being forgotten about.  There’s you, and there’s my myspace blog, and I never write in either of you.  I haven’t even written in my dream journal in a while.  I had a weird dream last night… My dreams have so much to do with buildings.  Especially stairwells.  I’m in stairwells a lot in my dreams.  And they’re always creepy.  They’re either gray or red, and every floor I pass I can hear something going on, there.  It seems like I’m always looking for or following someone.Anyboots, I’m in Los Angeles, blog, isn’t it exciting?  The sights, the sounds, the smells… oh God, the smells…I have a job.  It’s a good job.  Not much snails to report.  Ummm… I’ll try to write some dreams here? maybe? I dunno. I’m so passive these days.  No one will read it, anyway.

So, yeah, hello blog. I created you then forgot about you… If you were a tamagotchi you would be dead by now… speaking of which… does anyone still have a tamagotchi? You might want to check on it… it’s probably dead. There’s probably someone in the world who was so obsessed with their tamagotchi that they still feed it and play with it every single day. Tamagotchi was the apogee of cool in their life, and they’ve stuck to it. They don’t have a facebook or myspace account; they don’t have a razor phone or an iphone; but they’ve got their tamagotchi, and it’s still the coolest, most technologically advanced thing in the world, to them.
I never had a tamagotchi.
So, I said I would post my stories here… well, I’ve done two stories since then. One of them I did pretty soon after that post, and never got around to posting it. That story is currently missing in action. I’ll try to post it later.TOMORROW IS EARTH DAY, and I was assigned this story in honor of that. Enjoooooooooooy it.

Hello World,
I’ve decided that, for now, the primary function of this “blog” will be to post my new Red River Radio stories. Considering that I might have a real job by January, this could be a short-lived function. Also, considering that I’m not going to be in town very much between now and January, it could be a very underused function. Nevertheless, if you’d like to hear the stories I’ve done so far, go here. And watch here for future stories.
-Jeffrey D.

Hello,

this is my first blog for this website. Right now, I don’t have anything to say, though. I’m really just testing this thing out. blah blah blah law blog.